The start of recovery...accepting I have a problem.
To summarize this blog I want to show you some photos.
November 2006, 161cm (short arse), 115KG (large arse)...
March 2008, 161cm, 87KG...on my way!
I post these photos not because I have reached my final goals but because it is a constant reminder to myself of all the destruction I have inflicted upon my body, and mind with for so many years.
This blog is about my path to changing - and saving - my life. It is about the journey I have travelled over the last year and a bit and the journey that I am yet to take.
If it takes for me to show the world - warts and all - my daily struggles and that inspires just one other person to make changes to help themselves and learn to love the one life (and body) they have then this would all be worth it.
Also, apologies to non musicians but I want to also talk about how these changes have impacted upon my performance (being a brass musician).
So....I got fat. How did that happen?
I've always been a 'bigger' girl and first attended weight watchers when I was 14. My mum told me through my childhood that I 'I would always struggle with my weight', and I suppose that if something is said enough then you eventually believe or except it as the truth.
To cut a long story short I have always excelled in replacing one destructive habit with another. Weather it be the 'pokies' (arcade machines), the 'biggie'...depression, and then moving onto food.
You could say that I didn't really like myself much couldnt you!!!
Moving swiftly on we get to October/November 2006 and my that point I pretty much hate myself...all 115KG of me (18.1 stone) and I'm now getting sick. Getting sick with things normally reserved for the elderly and at an impressive 26 years old! Then chuck into the mix being on the brink of diabetes (I'm not really sure how I didn't get it in fact).
My close friend Jason K suggested that it was really time to sort myself out so I dragged my sorry self to the gym and to my first personal trainer, Sally Aitcherson. Then my life started to change.
Baby steps.
Wow! Ive just had a great session in the gym, now its ok to reward myself and find the nearest 'purveyor of fried foods'.
I have failed so many times I figured that it was probably better to make one change at a time time rather than going cold turkey. In fact I have coined a term for myself as being 'fat but fit' as I have always found the exercise thing a walk in the park compared to the control of food.
At about the time I started visiting the gym it also coincided with a month off of playing (cornet). The truly amazing thing for me was that after the time off I was immediately able to play for double the phrase length than I could previously.
Gym Nazi.
My PT Sally decided to leave after I had been with her a few months (I don't think I drove her to it!) and I got a new PT, Amanda Minelle (or more affectionately known as the Gym Nazi, Gym Bitch and various other versions on a theme). I want to say a big public thank you to both these awesome girls. Amanda has given me more than she could imagine, not just with the training, but in terms of my self respect and using 'tough love' (her term not mine..lol) i.e when training, that's what we do. No dwelling on other problems in your life. Works for me. By the time you've finished those problems don't seem quite as bad as they did when you started.
I make a promise here and now to be truthful with you about my progress.
What's written above is only scratching the surface and I will delve into more as time goes on.
Lots of love
buglegirl xx
November 2006, 161cm (short arse), 115KG (large arse)...
March 2008, 161cm, 87KG...on my way!
I post these photos not because I have reached my final goals but because it is a constant reminder to myself of all the destruction I have inflicted upon my body, and mind with for so many years.
This blog is about my path to changing - and saving - my life. It is about the journey I have travelled over the last year and a bit and the journey that I am yet to take.
If it takes for me to show the world - warts and all - my daily struggles and that inspires just one other person to make changes to help themselves and learn to love the one life (and body) they have then this would all be worth it.
Also, apologies to non musicians but I want to also talk about how these changes have impacted upon my performance (being a brass musician).
So....I got fat. How did that happen?
I've always been a 'bigger' girl and first attended weight watchers when I was 14. My mum told me through my childhood that I 'I would always struggle with my weight', and I suppose that if something is said enough then you eventually believe or except it as the truth.
To cut a long story short I have always excelled in replacing one destructive habit with another. Weather it be the 'pokies' (arcade machines), the 'biggie'...depression, and then moving onto food.
You could say that I didn't really like myself much couldnt you!!!
Moving swiftly on we get to October/November 2006 and my that point I pretty much hate myself...all 115KG of me (18.1 stone) and I'm now getting sick. Getting sick with things normally reserved for the elderly and at an impressive 26 years old! Then chuck into the mix being on the brink of diabetes (I'm not really sure how I didn't get it in fact).
My close friend Jason K suggested that it was really time to sort myself out so I dragged my sorry self to the gym and to my first personal trainer, Sally Aitcherson. Then my life started to change.
Baby steps.
Wow! Ive just had a great session in the gym, now its ok to reward myself and find the nearest 'purveyor of fried foods'.
I have failed so many times I figured that it was probably better to make one change at a time time rather than going cold turkey. In fact I have coined a term for myself as being 'fat but fit' as I have always found the exercise thing a walk in the park compared to the control of food.
At about the time I started visiting the gym it also coincided with a month off of playing (cornet). The truly amazing thing for me was that after the time off I was immediately able to play for double the phrase length than I could previously.
Gym Nazi.
My PT Sally decided to leave after I had been with her a few months (I don't think I drove her to it!) and I got a new PT, Amanda Minelle (or more affectionately known as the Gym Nazi, Gym Bitch and various other versions on a theme). I want to say a big public thank you to both these awesome girls. Amanda has given me more than she could imagine, not just with the training, but in terms of my self respect and using 'tough love' (her term not mine..lol) i.e when training, that's what we do. No dwelling on other problems in your life. Works for me. By the time you've finished those problems don't seem quite as bad as they did when you started.
I make a promise here and now to be truthful with you about my progress.
What's written above is only scratching the surface and I will delve into more as time goes on.
Lots of love
buglegirl xx
posted by buglegirl at
19:47
2 Comments:
hey paula
i read your blog with much interest & admoration for the lifestyle changes you have made so far
28kls so far
you are a champion
dont you worry paula i can assure you i know all the thoughts (the selve talk) that comes with being weight challeged & concience
i have always been weight challeged myself since a little boy & it goes back to my childhood & the bad eating habits
i can remember all the kids taunting me at school for being a little fat boy
yes i was the perfect little fat Tuba boy
thank God im over all that
at my highest i reached 100kls some years ago
have been on many diets over the years
my life has been constant dieting
but i keep heading back to that magical century figure every time, months later
thank God i have a son now who is a personal trainer (Aaron plays Bari in Kew Band)
he has been a great encouragement, not only with the gym stuff but diet as well
pre the Keller i went on the Tony ferguson (terry White Chemists)diet & lossed 12kls along with going to the Gym
i have felt the best i have been for years
so i feel i am with you on this Paula
i wish you all the best in acheiving your goals & will add your blog to my favourites on my computer to hear of further
updates of how you are going
All of Gods Blessings
steve Ford
Kew Band Melbourne
By
Anonymous, At
06 April 2008 08:30
Paula, Congratulations on your choice and your success. You are an inspiration. I am sure that will continue to have many successes!!!!!
I changed when I was 18 from being a stick figure to being huge(Im told there were a number of factors some are genetic as all of my cousins had exactly the same thing happen). Im lucky in that Im 193cm tall so I got away with it to some extent!!! BUT... It was killing me.. I was basically crippled with depression and generally self hatred! Somehow I managed to hide my depression pretty well and most of my work collegues would not have realised that I was on the verge of doing drastic things for much of the time when I managed to work with them!!
Diets didnt work for me.. I would loose 10 Kg in a week but would go back the same amount the next week..
I was delusional to the degree that I didnt think that I ate that much!
I am very lucky to have a very supportive wife who somehow managed to put up with me that I managed to see that I might have something to offer and that it was worth trying to save myself from an early death!
Im not much of a musician but I love playing my trombone and listening to great brass bands. I was lucky enough last year to hear you play your own choice in Melbourne and came away from hearing your band play feeling fantastic.... Music is something that has a terrific effect on the psyche and you have made a terrific impact of people who you have never met! Love to hear you and your band play.
I changed my life with some surgical assistance and over the last 2 years I have lost approximately 55 KG over that time(I had a lap band installed.) I am still suffering from depression but am seeking lots of professional advice. It is surprising how much we eat and I have reduced my intake by 2/3rds simply because I cant eat as much as I used to.. The other impact of the band(Lap) is that the old comfort eating method of battling depression is countered.. So sometimes it makes living seem a bit harder but the positive impact is that because I cant binge I dont have the increased weight to cope with...
Anyway.. Keep up your great work, both on and off the stage.. and remember that you are an inspiration to many who have never met you and your courage in doing a blog like this makes you inspirational in other ways than your musicality has in the past!
Congratulations
Andrew from Melbourne
By
Andrew, At
09 April 2008 12:52
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